Lemons, Bubblegum & Stilettos
by Alatariel Vanimedl
Summary: this is a weird life story of a perfect teen, whoes got it all...and then she somehow ends up on a raod trip with a brittany spears look allike and the missing russian princess, annistasia.
1. The 7 am bus

The 7am bus was late as per usual. Candy took yet another glace down at her watch. It was now 7:30am. She wished the bus would hurry up...she kinda needed to pee. Ten minutes later the bus still hadn't arrived at the crowded bus stop. Candy's urge to pee was worsening FAST. She crossed her legs tighter. Where is the bus??? She was simply going to burst if that bus didn't turn the corner RIGHT NOW!!! The urge was mounting every second. Oh god I NEED to pee. She stood up and started a jig. This didn't work. She walked over to the rail and grabbed it tightly. Hurry up bus!!! Candy started swinging madly off the rail. Where the HELL is the bus??? She slipped...and fell into what could have only been one thing...warm lemon cordial. The people at the stop where now giving her strange looks. The bus turned the corner. Candy felt relieved. And somehow her urge to pee had been extinguished. Just as she was getting to her feet, the bus grew wings flew very fast up into the air, came down and landed on Candy.  
  
O shit. O no. please no!!! Candy looked around her. This place looked familiar. Where was she? Well obviously she wasn't dead. She was lying down on a white four poster bed. Her pillow was extremely comfortable and her sheets where made of silk. Der, I'm alive, and in my room, it was all a DREAM!!! She got up and walked on her thickly carpeted floor to a chair. She picked up off the chair, her satin white and pink dressing gown. She walked in her own perfect way into the large ensuite. As she did so she glanced into the large mirror on her wall. Staring back at her was a beautiful 16yr old girl. She had long tanned legs. Perfect teeth. Perfect long brown hair, with a few messy curls. Perfect facial features and a perfect body all round. A sound interrupted her routine; it was more like a loud ear piercing screech than a 'sound'.  
  
"CAndIe," the screech, screeched, "git down 'ere for breikfast!!!"  
  
"coming mother," she shuddered to think that the monster that had just called her to breakfast was her mother.  
  
When Candy finally came down the wide stair way, the dream was completely placed at the back of her mind. As she walked down the stairs, anyone would of thought that she belonged in Hollywood. She wore a short pink and purple, checkered rah-rah skirt, a white mid-drift blouse, with only one button done up, lone baby pink socks with what looked to be the same high heeled school shoes that Brittany Spears wore in her clip "hit me baby one more time". She walked into the kitchen. Sitting in there was a site that highly contrasted with her own beauty. It was her mother. Candy tried not to die as she noticed that her mother had grown more hair on her ears and about a million more warts on her twisted nose.  
  
"Candie deir," it said, "yoi caint wear thait to school, yoi maite git a boyfriend."  
  
Little did her mother know that Candy had been going out since she was in the 7th grade, and that she already had a boyfriend.  
  
"Mother," Candy smartly said back, "don't leave the house without a paper bag over your head...you might get a jail sentence."  
  
"Teeinagers," it screeched. "Where's daddy?" candy smugly asked. Candy knew very well that her father had been having an affair ever since the first week that he had been married to Candy's mother. Her mother, on the other hand, had no idea of this fact.  
  
"He said he haid some paiper wiork to do," It said, busily getting breakfast cleaned off the table. Candy didn't think that she could stand one minute more off her mother's presence.  
  
She left to catch her bus. 


	2. The REAL 7am bus

Candy was patiently waiting for the bus to arrive. This was no dream...but the bus was actually on time! Wonders will never cease. As Candy boarded the bus, the bus driver fainted, as per usual. It was the job of some 9th grader, to poor the bucket of water over his head so they could be on their way again. This was all part of Candy's everyday boring morning routine. She walked up the aisle to her seat that her boyfriend always saved for her, and sat down next to him.  
  
"Hey John," she said sweetly.  
  
"Hey," he replied in his usual jock tone, he put his arm around her and absorbed all the jealous looks with pride, "so..."  
  
"Today isn't very exiting," Candy said in a bored kind of manner.  
  
"Yeah, agreed," John said, trying to make conversation he went on, "hows your mum?"  
  
"She's cool," Candy said bored, "just had another boob job". Candy had shown John a picture of Pamela Anderson, and told him it was her mum. John, being the jock that he is, believed her. There was a rush of excitement down the front of the bus, Candy looked down to see what all the fuss was about.  
  
"Eww!!!" cried on of the 8th graders, "Mr. Bus driver peed his pants...and he broke the brakes!!!"  
  
"Eww," Candy agreed. On hearing her voice, the bus driver fainted. The bus broke through the railing of the bridge; it was now sailing through the air toward the river. Bus...pee...flying...my dream???  
  
"Oh my god, oh my god," John panicked, "Candy...BABE!!!...I Love YOU sooo much!!!"  
  
"Oh my god," Candy panicked, "John!!!...My outfit is dry-cleaning only!!! & We are headed for the WATER!!!"  
  
The 9th grader, whose job it was to pour the water on the driver's head, had jumped off the bus and landed on the river (somehow he didn't sink down into the water...he was walking on WATER?). He filled the bucket up...jumped back onto the bus...and poured the water on the driver's head. The bus then did a leap, back onto the bridge, and the brake had re-fixed itself. Weird.  
  
The finally made it to the local public school. Candy was...as always...the first one off the bus. As she stepped down, the whole school stoped and turned to face her. All of the nerd guys stared up at her, as though she was an untouchable goddess. All the jocks flexed their abbs, and hoped that she would notice them. All of the Goths cast evil spells on her, and the others just looked at her with supreme jealousy.  
  
"And so begins the fucking day," Candy muttered.  
  
"What's that babe?" John asked dumbly, "You wanna fuck?"  
  
"No, John"  
  
They walked up the stairs that led to the front doors and everyone made way for them. My recess the whole school wanted to buy an autobiography from Candy about her bus trip that day. Her reply: "fuck-off".  
  
By lunch, everyone wanted an autobiography about how she actually said two words to them. She didn't even reply this time.  
  
After school, Candy and John went back to her house. They slept in one of the great many spare rooms. The next morning they decided that they didn't feel like going to school, and that instead, they would have Macca's for breakfast. The only problem was, they would need money. Candy had just the way to get some. She kissed John good-bye, and left. She would give her dad a visit. He wasn't home so he must have been at his girl friend, Josie's place.  
  
She walked down the road a long way until she came to a very dodgy looking apartment building. She went up to the apartment that her dad had told her was the address of his girl friend. This mustn't be the right address, its so dirty and...yuk here. She knocked on the door. A pretty teen aged girl with long red hair and heavy make-up on, answered it. Definitely the wrong address. This girl's too young for dad, bad thoughts, bad thoughts. "Josie?" Candy asked, just in case it was the right apartment.  
  
"NO!!!" she girl almost yelled, "I'm not Josie...thank god...she is my mother." Candy noticed that Josie's daughter was wearing denim hot pants, and a white boob tube. Both of which went out of fashion so last week!  
  
"Can I please speak with your mothers boyfriend?" Candy asked.  
  
"Which one?"  
  
There is more than one???  
  
"I don't know," candy said, as though this girl was stupid.  
  
"Err, ok then," the teen said unsurely, and then she called him, "JOHN!" Candy's boyfriend answered the call.  
  
"JOHN!!!!!!" Candy yelled, "you FUCK HEAD!!!!!" The girl at the door gained newfound respect for Candy, as she thought he was, and forever will be...a fuck head. "How could you???" Candy continued.  
  
"Well, I just dig ugly chicks," John answered as though he wasn't doing anything wrong.  
  
"My name is Anastasia by the way," the girl cut in, "but my friends call me Anna."  
  
"Is your name really 'Anastasia'?" Candy asked. Her boyfriend's cheating was out of her mind now. Frankly she didn't like him at all. "You know what?" she continued without letting Anna reply, "You look just like that Russian princess chick!"  
  
"Thanks...I think," Anna was unsure weather this was a compliment or not.  
  
"Hey," Candy said excitedly, "would you like to find your real parents?"  
  
"Hell yeah!" Anna knew that the ones she lived with couldn't possibly be her real parents, they were way too ugly.  
  
"Cool," Candy had an idea, "why don't u find your mother's other boyfriend, the 60yr old rich guy, and get him to give me some money, so I can buy a car, so we can drive our way to Russia?"  
  
"Ok," Anna knew exactly which boyfriend Candy was talking about now. Candy's father came out into the hall to where Candy was standing.  
  
"Is your mother dead?" he asked, expecting the best.  
  
"No, daddy."  
  
"O, ok then, how much money do you need?"  
  
"O I don't know...a million?"  
  
"Ok" and with that, he handed it over.  
  
Then Candy and Anna left. 


	3. the same 7 am bus

Candy grabbed Anna by the arm and pulled her down the street till she reached the car shop. A very sexy Porsche was just waiting to be bought by them. Unfortunately the car shop was closed; there was no reason why...it was just closed. Candy had an idea...again. "Wait here!" she yelled to Anna. Anna thought it best not to disagree with her new friend. Candy ran down to the bus stop, got on the bus and pulled out her nail file. She then disemboweled the driver and stuffed his remains into her handbag. She drove maliciously down to where she had left Anna.  
  
They re-did the bus so it now some what resembled the bus that the spice girls used in their movie. Candy's side was all baby pink and black. Whilst Anna's was all denim and black. They both liked black. They where on the road to Macca's...finally. When they got there, a pretty kinky looking blonde served them. Anna noticed that her name badge was upside down. She turned her head to the side so she could read it. It read "Britany".  
  
'That explains the amount of make-up and the mid-drift Mc Donald's blouse' Anna thought.  
  
"How may I serve you?" Brittany said in her stupid American accent.  
  
"Err...I'll have 45 big Macs and 67 sundaes," Candy said rapidly, "what'll you have?"  
  
"The same"  
  
"Ok," Britany said, again in her dumb accent, "wow you guys can eat a lot!"  
  
"So?" Candy asked, as though Britany was being rude.  
  
"You know what?" Anna asked, as though none of the harsh words had been thrown, "You look like a star, can you sing?"  
  
"Not really," she answered, "but they can digitally enhance my voice, to sound half decent!"  
  
"Cool!"  
  
"Wanna come on the road with us?" Candy asked nicely, "I'm sure Russia could do with a pop star!"  
  
They were back on the road to russsia, Britany had added in all of her furniture to the bus, which was all painted in the American flag style...just like most of her skanky clothes.  
  
"Candy I hate to be a pain," Britany started, candy thought that she was a pain anyways, "but how exactly are we getting to Russia? I mean...there is an ocean an all!"  
  
"I'm on to it already" Candy said finishing a conversation on her mobile phone.  
  
"ok we are going to go down to the boat shop tomorrow and pick up a liner... in the mean time...we gotsa million dollars to spend!!!"  
  
"wow" Anna wasn't that surprised, but only because she had seen this happen before. Candy's dad had given Candy ANOTHER mil.  
  
"burk bukbukbukbk" Brittany had just started doing the chicken dance. 'riiiiight' Candy and Anna both thought. 


End file.
